Part 2 - 'Me & You'

A teeny tiny bit of hope appears after 3 weeks in my second letter to my addiction.

Part 2 – ‘Me & You’

You steal my laugh, you steal my smile.

Hijack my thoughts, insert denial.

I want you gone, depart my life.

But you won’t leave, without a fight.

Step to me, I challenge you, I’ll strangle you until your blue, breath deprived you will be slew.

But me alone I cannot snatch, a victory, or leave a scratch, each bout I lose I’m back, rematch.

We meet, we spar, you beat me down, you strip me bare, whip me around, no choice I have but run from town.

Notoriously difficult, I think I’m safe, surprise assault, each time I run, same result. 

I know I cannot run away, for you will always find a way, “come back to me” you softly say, with me you will forever stay.

Acceptance – something I must do, admit defeat, you win, I lose, and to myself I must be true.

Everything I’ve come to love, and even things I’m just fond of, I give you when push comes to shove, the emptiness fits like a glove. 

Left with nothing now I’m free, to forge my own eternity, misery, not my cuppa tea, blind to life, now I can see.

My tendencies towards introspection, hinder me like an infection, the cure I’ve found for this abjection, connection, affection, a new direction. 

Now I have revealed your truth, lies you tell I can construe, so whisper friend, do what you do, recovery will silence you.

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Part 1 - 'You & Me'

I got asked to write these letters to my addiction over 3 weeks. Here's the first one, I had 2 weeks clean at this point. Yesterday I got 30 days.

Part 1 – ‘You & Me’

You took my life, my future wife, all day and night you cause me strife, I’m coming at you with a knife. 

Watch your back, surprise attack, cut through the light to curse the black, your shadow casts along the track.

I met you at the age of ten, you’ve always been a loyal friend, revealing lies beyond the bend, providing refuge now and then. 

Through the darkness and the light, you guide my spirit shining bright, gliding high up like a kite, we ride the breeze despite the height. 

Hold my hand, as we land, gently lying in the sand.

Here we are, finally, alone at last – eternity, I’ll let you have your way with me. 

But then one day, in early May, the sand gives way.

Down we go – gravity, force of nature, naturally, enmeshed we are, for all to see.

Your fire, once burning bright, now emits no warmth or light.

No longer do you help me out, you bring me pain, you make me shout. 

You never told me tar’s like glue, will always be a part of you.

You stick to me, you hold me down, you’re the king, curséd crown.

Hands reach down to assist, pull me up out from this ditch. 

Once escaped, I think I’m free.

But I hear your voice, constantly.

I want you gone, forever more.

I can’t escape your lurid lure. 

So one last question, I ask of thee. 

How can I kill you, if you’re me?

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I want rid of you (warning - this is a poem)

For the record, I have thought poetry is the most super duper gay shit ever for the longest time. And I still kind of think that. But, I really enjoy writing it.

I am constantly being told - "you don't even know what you like Alex you've been high for half your life".

So maybe I do like poetry after all.

I want rid of you.

An endless denier, I only deny her,

happiness.

I am weak on my knees,

begging with bitter breath.

Forgiveness? For business.

She tires of my desire to be higher.

The liar extinguishes the fire.

Once roaring, she’s still warm.

Hooked on her feeling,

I grow hungry for her.

I hold onto her.

She no longer holds back.

Heroin holds my hand.

She haunts me.

Hope is my hell.

I wouldn’t even recognise her anymore.

I bury my desire, admire the high flyer.

I can’t do without you.

I don’t want for anything.

I want for everything.